(via why-dont-you-blush, thepharmacy)
on how to be a World Famous Poet by jim behrle
I found this article because I asked google today how to be a world famous poet because I was looking for a career change after a True Life/or death scare at work last night and had second thoughts about having responsibility for people’s lives when i would prefer to just be responsible for what people read when they were on the toilet.
But I am not a ruthless careerist and would be eaten alive in some sort of poetry MFA tweedy secret jokes atmosphere- TERRIFYING! The only thing I am capable of being ruthless for is trying to get people to like me.
my favorite thing to say if you find yourself in an uncomfortable romantic situation that needs defusing quick because you’re 14 and tipsy & the one you have a crush on is in the other room with your friend and you’re stuck with the other guy who you are Not Feeling but his arm is snaked across the back of your neck, very uncomfortably i might add, is to be like “so are you playing basketball?” BYEEEEEEE.
(via daddyfuckedme)
I’ll drive
give me someplace fancy to go
Revisiting old friends
a grump reacts to james franco’s review of the great gatsby
I think James Franco is hot, and appealing and think its cool that he’s so into academia and books, obviously. If he squinted at me the right way or even just accidentally looked in my direction and then our eyes made contact i’d probably take off my underpants right there and say do it, which is probably why i was so disappointed in reading his great gatsby review because it was dumb while trying really hard not to be & he double-used words like raw & ravage & obsessed and then all sorts of “englishy” words you use when trying to sound smart instead of “said or did” and lamely talked about high school girls getting fingered and like any good girl i think that anytime i’m pissed off or unhappy, its some secret sludge i have not yet dredged in the depths of my consciousness so now it is going to escape like one of those prehistoric Land Before Time boiling tar burps into embarassing unresolved personal problems on display and perhaps somedays I should cut myself a break and consider that what I have just consumed is simply a pile of a dog crap on a pretty china plate at my favorite new- american farm to table restaurant.
ladies room
Yesterday at work in the emergency room a woman came in, a very down on her luck lady who’d lost her job and was now living in shelters not because of drug abuse or alcoholism which are the usual ( to me & to my experience only) homelessness indicators and asked me to call the shelter before she left to ensure her bed for the night which I did and was informed they were full and she became very upset and I was trying to make it sound less horrible by saying theres another place & it is a women only shelter, it will be way better and she said i don’t want to deal with getting used to all these new women, i was just getting used to the ones where i was staying and i’ve been thinking about it since then and am 100% more terrified to meet other women and its because i care more what they think about me because with guys its usually a) im either attractive or not attractive or b) annoying or not annoying, but with girls there is all this other secret body language stuff and nasal flaring and eye-rolling, which when it clicks is great and you can share chapstick and talk about your favorite books & real housewives but when its awkward its 100 times moreso than with any dude.
